Readers respond to column
with candles, kindness
By JONATHAN DUBE
Staff Writer
Imagine my surprise when I arrived at work one day to find a care package
containing 44 blue and white Hannukah candles. Carolyn Ericson had sent me the
box and a greeting card from her Hallmark store in Charlotte - ``your first
gift of 1998,'' she wrote.
After I wrote a column about my failed search for Hannukah candles and my
encounters with store clerks who didn't know what they were (Jan. 5 Viewpoint:
Religion & Ethics, ``Stores unenlightened about Hannukah candles), I not only
discovered that many Jews in our community have had similar experiences - but
many Christians have as well.
I got more than 50 e-mails, letters and phone calls. My article represented
``a good example of what it's like to be Jewish here,'' Claire Goodman wrote.
``Maybe it will help a few people understand Jews a little better.''
One man said he once asked for a menorah and was told ``Menure? We don't
sell fertilizer here.'' A Fort Mill woman said people who learned she was
Jewish have replied, ``I've never seen one of you before.''
``If you think getting candles is a hassle, I keep kosher and have meat
shipped in from my old butcher in Long Island,'' wrote Susan Aizenman of
Charlotte.
Many said they had extra candles and offered them. Others pointed me to
locations where I could buy my own, such as the Kosher Mart on Independence
and the temples on Providence Road.
One woman called from North Myrtle Beach to tell me Pier One sells the
candles. I even got e-mail from a Florida couple, who were visiting their Fort
Mill daughter when the story ran, saying they had similar experiences
searching for candles in the Sunshine State.
A computer-savvy person pointed me to a web page made especially for me,
depicting a menorah filled with lit candles. ``Sorry you couldn't find
candles, so I thought I'd send some!'' he wrote.
That someone went to the trouble to make the web site amazed me. But I was
even more touched by the responses from sympathetic Christian readers. Several
apologized to me for the ``ignorance'' I had encountered.
Interestingly, several said they've had similar experiences searching for
Advent candles. One Episcopalian woman asked a Hallmark store clerk for them
only to get the response, ``That's a Jewish thing, isn't it?''
Another Christian, Steven Smith of Monroe, suggested that Christians should
not only understand Hanukkah, but celebrate it. After all, he says, according
to the New Testament, Jesus participated in the feast of the rededication of
the temple in Jerusalem - which Hanukkah commemorates.
``From a Jesus Christ perspective, we (Christians) should be spending more
time and effort in not only knowing about Hanukkah, but setting it aside as a
time of celebration as much as Christmas itself,'' Smith said.
Mark Belue said he bought a box of 44 Hanukkah candles from Target two
years ago during an after-Christmas sale at a 90 percent discount - and had
eight left, if I wanted them.
``I'm a born-again Christian, but I figured they'd make good birthday
candles - albeit overbuilt - and I couldn't pass up the bargain,'' Belue
wrote.
The most comforting responses were from those who felt Charlotte has become
more religiously aware in the past decade. ``After moving to Charlotte in
1983, I stopped in a restaurant for breakfast,'' wrote Gunther Schwarz. ``When
I asked for a toasted bagel the waitress said, What's that?' . . . Today we
have bagel bakers in Charlotte. That's progress.''
Still, Schwarz said, the South still has a long way to go.
That was clear by the few nasty responses I got, such as, ``People ignore
your holiday because you're not even Christian and you killed Jesus and all
that stuff.''
But for every negative response, I got 10 postitive ones.
Such as the three families who invited me to their homes for Friday night
Shabbat dinners.
And the mother who tried to set me up with her daughter. After first
apologizing for being ``another Jewish mother'' trying to matchmake, she
offered to send me her daughter's email address. ``If you're married (sorry
Mrs. Dube) or gay I promise not to push the fact that I have a gorgeous
5-foot, 7-inch daughter moving back to Charlotte after she graduates this
May.''
As if having one pushy Jewish mother isn't already enough (sorry, mom).
The outpouring of kindness touched me. In our society, unfortunately, the
people most likely to speak their minds tend to be those with negative
opinions and criticism. It's comforting to know so many people exist, behind
the scenes, ready to cross religious boundaries and share candles and kindness
with strangers.
And thanks to y'all, those concerned Jewish mothers out there can stop
worrying about me: I already have candles for next year.
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